Reclaiming & Reconnecting to our Sexual Power
When it comes to our sexuality, sexual energy, and sexual power, this "aspect" of our lives isn't really a mere aspect at all. It permeates our entire existence - and not because sex is always on our minds or because sex is everywhere in the media. It's so much more than all the immediate things that come to mind when we hear or think "sex!"
Let's begin by stating the obvious - we are sexual beings. This is the case far before puberty or when we think actual sex ought to be happening. I argue that even little children are incredibly sexual. To understand this, we need to understand sexual energy as our life force. We are created in sex.
When our creative life force is liberated and embodied, we feel truly alive! We feel aroused. Think about a time when you felt truly inspired by a particular idea or project. The excitement and expansion that we experience in this state is actually quite similar to how we feel when we are attracted to someone.
The extent that we are truly connected to our sexual essence is unavoidably reflected by the inner realization and experience of freedom, creativity, pleasure, connection, and fulfilment in our lives. This is why I say children are incredibly sexual - they move and express themselves with admirable freedom. They touch and play and explore their world and they live in their hearts, in their bodies, much more than we do as adults who like to spend large parts of our days in our heads.
There is actually a fair bit of literature written on the idea that as we transitioned into a patriarchal society, the values of play and pleasure became increasingly replaced by the values of work and achievement. With this came the suppression of ourselves as sexual beings, which some believe has ultimately led us to be more controllable and manipulatable. As sexual beings, we become more easily controlled when the sexual force within us is suppressed.
This understanding is particularly essential for women as we rediscover our power from within. I believe part of the solution to the feminist quest is to realize that we don't need to do or change anything to become powerful - we only need to realise that we already ARE powerful.
In my experience, the more I intentionally inhabit and express my sexual nature, the more alive and powerful I feel. Reclaiming myself as an incredibly sexual being ultimately means reclaiming my true self. It feels like a profound act of self love and liberation as I experience the unleashing of my expansive potential from within.
So what does this really mean? How does one "inhabit their sexual nature?"
There are some key shifts that need to take place, which begin with the need to get back in our bodies. The body doesn't lie. We need to bring our awareness into our bodies so that we can listen to and honour ourselves more deeply. As this becomes a regular practice or way of being, we naturally become aware of emotions and energy within us that's been stagnant. At this point, there's a commitment that takes place to honour, express, and live out what is felt.
The mind will often fight this transition to living in the body. When we slow down and tune into the energy within us, it can actually feel overwhelming and we will avoid it because to totally leave the mind behind feels like total loss of control. (For example, when we struggle to have orgasms it's often because we struggle to let go of control).
Take a moment to consider how you feel after a run, or yoga, or an hour of passionate sex. Getting into the body and out of the head is liberating!
Another key part is expression. Physically, emotionally, vocally. You may have heard that when a woman is vocally expressing herself in bed this is connected to greater arousal for her (opening of the throat = opening of the vagina). If you have the courage to go deep into your body, abandon the mind, and give yourself permission to express what comes up (anger, words, tears, laughter), you may be shocked by what you discover. I certainly continue to be.
For women, trauma and shame we have experienced around our sexuality and thus our vaginas has caused us to check out of our bodies. Thus, in addition to reconnecting to the body, it's especially important to reconnect to our vaginas. Being dissociated from this part of our body means we are disconnected from our creative powerhouse. The womb and vagina energetically and literally create life. It wasn't until I began to bring more awareness to this energetic centre in my body that I began to feel how powerful I am as a woman.
It's time to love and honour your vagina in a serious way. Like Charlotte in Sex and the City, maybe get a hand-mirror out and take a good look. Be aware and intentional with your thoughts about your vagina. The more you listen to your vagina, the more you'll realize that the vagina is never wrong!
RESPECT THE VAGINA!
This is especially important when it comes to sexual interaction. To honour your vagina means that if you're not wet before and during sexual intercourse, then you shouldn't be penetrated. Your lack of wetness is your body's honest expression that you are not truly aroused. We need to drop the idea that "there is something wrong with me" or "there is something wrong with my vagina." There is nothing wrong with you!
Instead of pulling out the lube and essentially ignoring and blaming your vagina for being uncooperative, try listening. Maybe you have a gut feeling deep down that you aren't actually sexually attracted to this person. Maybe you're incredibly stressed out and you need emotional nourishing. Maybe there is unfinished business between you and this person and you aren't sure you can trust and let go with them. Maybe you are only having sex because you think it's some obligatory wifely duty.
Love and honour your vagina, and you will be blessed with abundance! The abundance of your own self love, intuition, pleasure, and unique power as a woman.
Below I have listed the ways I've experienced the most success and enjoyment connecting to myself and my sexual energy:
- Dance: dance like a naughty girl or dance like an orangutang. Or slow dance with yourself, while hugging yourself, while rolling on the floor. Basically just move in a way that feels really fucking good. Maybe try getting on all fours and thrusting your hips, getting all primal about it. Decide to surrender to the music and yourself, and maybe let yourself make noises. I especially like to let go of suppressed anger and sexual frustration by allowing myself to growl and shout - don't bash it until you try it.
- Breathe: this one took me a long time to get - seriously. Despite practicing yoga and various forms of breath work, it took someone special to highlight to me that I was ultimately controlling my breath so that I didn't have to breathe fully into my body and feel traumatic emotions that I was avoiding. Breathing through your mouth, and focusing on drawing your breath into your genitals is a good way to start to become aware of what you may be suppressing. Yang-style breath work or hyperventilating can sometimes help to bring emotions up.
- Self-pleasuring: AKA masturbation, but it doesn't have to look the way you think. Self-pleasuring can be self-massage in any form, or maybe it's just holding yourself. Basically it's about slowing down and giving to yourself exactly what it is that you want to receive. Breast massage can be especially restorative and often helps me to let go of whatever I'm holding on to. Intentional self-pleasuring is also particularly important for reconnecting to your vagina and releasing shame. (EDIT: check out my more recent post called Why I Self-Pleasure).
To me, these practices are about reminding myself that I love myself, I deserve pleasure, I deserve to express myself, and they connect me back to the sexual life force within me! They are also great for hitting the emotional reset button.
EDIT: If you are feeling my message in this article, check out the E-Course I've created to reconnect women to their power, pleasure, and potential - Viva La Vagina!