How to Fully Be Yourself
Exposing who we really are can be intimidating, scary, and difficult.
We may fear that others will judge us, like us less, reject us, or respect us less. The bottom line is that we usually don't disclose our full selves to others because we fear what they will think and how they will react.
And yet - the desire to fully be ourselves persists.
We are often caught between the desire to feel like we are being our true selves, and the desire to be liked & accepted.
The desire to express our full inner being, and the desire for connection & belonging…
Can we have both? I believe we can.
The first step is to realize that showing others the real you opens up way more doors than it closes.
When you show someone who you really are, you give them the opportunity to receive and love the real you. And really, does it mean anything if someone loves us for who we are not?
When you give yourself permission to be who you truly are, you indirectly communicate to the world that you are worthy of being loved & seen.
When you transparently share yourself with others, you become more relatable. You open the door to authentic and meaningful relationships.
When you have the courage to be who you are, you are communicating a message to others that it is okay to be who they are.
This means that the connection & belonging we seek actually deepens when we fully show up as ourselves.
In showing up as your true self, you ALLOW others to accept you.
Ultimately, being yourself is a courageous act of self-love - and as this grows, so will your ability to attract love & love others.
The more REAL you are with yourself, the easier it becomes to be real with those around you. This means admitting your insecurities & fears to yourself. More than that - it means ACCEPTING those insecurities.
When you are able to fully SEE yourself and accept yourself as you are, you will attract others who see & accept you too.
So, how do we SEE & ACCEPT ourselves?
One way is through intentional self-reflection. Asking questions that bring about self-awareness:
What parts of myself do I hide from others?
What do I want others to accept about me? And - do I accept those parts within myself?
These are the types of questions that will shine a light on the ways we are not fully showing up in life. These questions help us to SEE ourselves.
The quest then becomes learning to ACCEPT ourselves - and this is the journey of self-love.
There are 3 POWERFUL WAYS to cultivate self-acceptance that I often share with clients (and that I utilize myself on a daily basis):
Self-touch (AKA Self-pleasure): This can be sexual or not. The main goal is to frequently touch, caress, & enjoy your own body. When you tangibly show yourself love in a physical way like this, you are indirectly communicating to yourself that you are worthy of love & affection. This can be particularly powerful when you are experiencing shame, sadness, or loneliness - practice touching yourself sensually in a way that you find comforting. Most importantly - touch yourself with the intention of loving & appreciating yourself. And do this daily! Find creative ways to incorporate more touch into your day, like massaging your breasts in the shower, caressing your legs when you get dressed, and prioritizing pleasure!
Acknowledge yourself: How often do you take the time to feel grateful for who you are? Do you consciously acknowledge your own accomplishments? Do you acknowledge the things you love about yourself? I suggest incorporating a daily ritual (at bed time, in the shower, etc.) in which you intentionally acknowledge the reasons you are proud of yourself, and why you are grateful to be the person that you are.
Give yourself permission: When you identify parts of yourself that you are ashamed of, or that you aren’t proud of - how do you respond to those things? Do you hide and suppress those parts of yourself? … What would happen if you did the opposite? Imagine yourself as a child, with all of your strengths & imperfections. Now, can you imagine speaking to this young version of yourself, letting your inner child know that he/she has FULL permission to be who they are? That it’s okay for this child to be less than “perfect”? That they are completely loved & accepted for who they are?
The irony of the dichotomy between the desire to fully be ourselves, and the desire to be fully accepted by others - is that we never actually achieve the latter if we do not achieve the former.
We cannot possibly feel accepted by others for who we are, if we are not willing to BE who we are.
In learning how to fully accept ourselves, we learn how to fully be ourselves.
At the same time, in truly seeing & accepting ourselves, we can allow ourselves to receive true acceptance from others.
The journey to radical self-love & acceptance is not always easy - but it’s possible!
If you’re curious to learn more about my powerful tools to cultivate self-love & acceptance, check out my Women’s E-Course, Viva La Vagina.
One of the amazing side-effects of this program I’ve created for women to awaken their feminine sexual power & pleasure, is that is also cultivates DEEP, lasting self-love.
Learn more here.
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