Why you're not actually mad at men

If you're having a hard time getting past the anger and resentment you are holding towards men, a particular man, or anyone for that matter, I have news for you. You aren't mad at them, you're mad at yourself. And here's why...

As women and as we become aware of ways in which we have been objectified, violated, or just generally disrespected, a lot of anger can arise. In many ways, this anger is also deep sadness. How could someone treat us this way?! But even deeper than that... how could we treat ourselves that way?

Like many things in life, we are inclined to blame others or the "system" for why we can't be or do or have what we want. It's easier to find excuses and reasons why we CAN'T succeed instead of finding ways that we CAN. Accountability is everything. And once this clicks for you, your life will drastically change.

When you become accountable for every single aspect of your life, you also become powerful to change it. As long as we believe that others or the outside world must change in some way in order for us to have what we want, we are living as powerless victims.

This was one of my biggest realizations ever: Being angry at men for objectifying you is really about you trying to blame someone else rather than being accountable for the fact that you objectify yourself. In the same way that someone else's opinion of you doesn't mean anything as long as YOU know your own worth and value, if someone else objectifies you but you know your true value, you are unaffected.

If you've continually found yourself in situations where you know that someone is not appreciating your full value as a woman and human being, it's time to ask yourself why. Because someone who truly loves and respects themselves doesn't continue to put up with treatment from others that is disrespectful.

NOTE: This is NOT about de-validating your anger & emotions. Your anger is COMPLETELY valid & an important message to you. This is about re-framing your anger and understanding what it has to teach you.

But there's another key part to this puzzle, which is forgiving yourself. As we reflect on our past and feel angry about being treated in a certain way, this anger is valid. We feel angry that we didn't know then what we know now. We feel angry that someone treated us poorly, but we actually feel angry that we allowed someone to treat us poorly.

In reality, we are always doing our best with the awareness and information we presently have. So as you look back and you feel that anger and sadness, can you forgive yourself? Because if you can, you're on your own team again. You become empowered to attract the real love you deserve, because you've finally realized this love from within and you won't accept anything less.

Your life gets so much better when you own the fact that you create, promote, or allow everything that happens to you (Thanks Choices).

So in summary:

  1. Understand that you are responsible for the way you view and treat yourself. If you love and value yourself, whether or not others do is irrelevant.

  2. Be accountable for everything in your life, including how you allow others to treat you.

  3. Forgive yourself for the fact that you didn't realize that you were treating yourself in such a way and attracting situations that weren't reflective of your true value and depth.

  4. Move forward in life with the intention of never settling for less than you know you deserve.

I'd love to hear YOUR thoughts! Share in the comments below!