Your ability to draw healthy boundaries is shaped by your ability to be with the terror of abandonment.

This is a big one and puts many of us in touch with early childhood wounding.

The fear is that if we truly honour our needs & draw the healthy boundary —> the other will make us wrong, project onto us, or abandon us.

The fear is that we will lose the connection we so desire.

This pattern of over-stepping ourselves in the name of connection was at one point, totally necessary.

Because as a young one, you NEEDED the connection to survive. Literally.

But the practice as an adult is to unconditionally honour the needs of your inner child, no matter what.

To be the parent to yourself that you never had.

This means we are willing to practice the principle of: “I love you, but I love me more.”

(Remember- from Samantha in Sex & the City 😉)

We must must must be willing to put our own needs first in order to relate healthfully.

And this means that we never abandon the inner child even if it means the OUTER connection does not stick around.

The beautiful thing is that when we are willing to unconditionally honour ourselves, we attract this in our relationships because we are willing to step away from those who do not align.

In addition, there comes a point where it feels unmistakably better to honour oneself and be WITHOUT external connection than to be in connection yet overstepping ourselves.