For many, orgasm is the peak of pleasure, yet for some, it comes with an unexpected and distressing sensation: pain.

Dysorgasmia, or painful orgasms, also known as orgasm pain, can turn an intimate experience into one of discomfort, confusion, and frustration.

While it’s rarely talked about, it’s not uncommon.

Pain during climax can be linked to pelvic floor dysfunction, underlying medical conditions, or even past emotional experiences that the body holds onto.

Why Does Orgasm Sometimes Hurt?

Orgasms aren’t just a feeling, they’re an intricate interplay between muscle contractions, nerve signaling, and emotional response.

“It's important to note that orgasms involve two components: the body's response (i.e., contractions of the pelvic floor), while the brain contributes neurochemical responses, sufficient stimuli, a sense of safety, and arousal, in other words, the enjoyment aspect of an orgasm,” explains Jenn Bossio, Psychologist at Tri Health Clinic.

“You can have, for example, physical sensations of muscle contraction without the mental enjoyment. This is what's happening in these cases of painful orgasms. This is why some women with pelvic floor dysfunction experience painful orgasms, while others do not.”

The pelvic floor plays a huge role here. If these muscles are tight, spasming, or uncoordinated, the rhythmic pulsing of orgasm can feel more like a clench than a release. Pelvic floor muscle dysfunction can lead to discomfort or pain during orgasm, known as dysorgasmia, emphasizing the importance of addressing this underlying issue for relief and improved sexual experiences.

For some women, arousal acts as a natural painkiller, allowing pleasure to override discomfort. But if your nervous system is in a state of anticipation, fear, or tension, that override doesn’t happen, and the pain wins out.

Unresolved Stress and Emotional Weight

If your body associates intimacy with stress, performance pressure, or past pain, it can preemptively brace itself for the experience.

“From my work as a psychotherapist, I've seen that issues like dysorgasmia often stem from a mix of physical and emotional factors,” says Kristie Tse, Psychotherapist and Founder of Uncover Mental Health Counseling.

“The body and mind are deeply connected. For some, pelvic floor dysfunction may be linked to chronic stress or unresolved trauma. I've worked with clients who, after years of internalizing societal pressures or navigating unsafe relationships, carry tension in their bodies, including the pelvic region. It's heartbreaking how the body holds onto these experiences, often causing pain or discomfort during moments meant for pleasure.”

The anticipation of pain activates the brain’s “braking system”, making it harder to access full arousal and relaxation, often leading to sexual pain.

Releasing Stored Pain Through Intentional Rituals

Intentional rituals can bring awareness back to the body and help with forming a positive mind-body connection. For example, correctly using a yoni egg inside the vagina invites a shift from numbness to sensation, from tension to softness, and helps release tense pelvic floor muscles. It creates a space where your body can gently process what’s been stored, integrating a sense of safety back into your experience of pleasure.

“Pleasure wands and yoni eggs, when used intentionally and respectfully, can assist in reclaiming connection with one’s body,” says Tse. “However, it’s crucial that their use feels empowering rather than pressured; it’s about regaining trust in your body and its signals.”

When the Mind Gets in the Way of the Body

Pain during orgasm isn’t always about the body alone. The mind plays a huge role in whether we experience pleasure or discomfort, and this can manifest as a painful orgasm.

“Emotional well-being is a critical factor in sexual health and pain perception,” explains psychologist Jenn Bossio. "Basson's Sexual Response Cycle highlights the importance of activating positive 'gas pedals' (pleasurable stimuli) while minimizing 'brake pedals' (inhibitory factors). A lack of gas pedals or an excess of brake pedals (e.g., stress, anticipation of pain) can lead to a physiological 'orgasm' that is not pleasurable. Anticipating pain or recalling past negative sexual experiences heightens nervous system arousal, worsening pain and making arousal even less likely."

For women who have experienced sexual trauma, a strict upbringing, or a history of associating sex with guilt, the brain can register pleasure as a threat. This isn’t something that happens consciously—it’s the result of deep conditioning, where the nervous system prepares for danger even when none is present.

During sex, this can look like:

• Tension in the pelvic floor that blocks blood flow, making orgasm feel sharp rather than euphoric.

• Mental disconnection from sensation, where arousal feels distant, numbed, or forced.

• A freeze response, where you may want to surrender into pleasure but this survival response holds the body back.

Chronic Stress and the Nervous System’s Impact on Pelvic Floor Muscle Dysfunction

We carry so much in our bodies, more than we often realize.

Stress, unspoken fears, or memories we haven’t fully processed. And when it comes to sex, these things don’t just disappear. They show up as tension, resistance, or even pelvic pain.

Orgasms are supposed to feel expansive, but if your body is locked in stress mode, they can feel tight, sharp, or completely out of reach.

“Dysorgasmia can result from pelvic floor dysfunction, where excessive tightness or spasms in the pelvic muscles lead to pain during orgasm,” explains Dr. Gregory Gasic, Co-Founder of VMeDx. “Pain perception is also amplified by psychological aspects such as anxiety, earlier injury or trauma, and stress, which result in muscle tension and reduction in blood flow to the pelvic area, leading to a cycle whereby the fear of pain causes the pain to worsen.”

The body isn’t trying to work against you, it’s trying to protect you. But when that protection keeps you from pleasure, it’s time to shift the conversation.

The Body Can’t Relax If It Has Tense Pelvic Floor Muscles

This is why “just relax” never works.

The nervous system needs to be retrained into recognizing pleasure as safe.

“For some women, sexual arousal acts as a natural painkiller,” says psychologist Jenn Bossio. “But for others, their nervous system is wired to anticipate pain, making it impossible for arousal to override discomfort.”

If your body has learned to brace, to hold, or to stay guarded, your orgasms will reflect that, potentially leading to sexual dysfunction.

So how do we teach the body to let go?

Resetting the Nervous System Through Somatic Practices

The key is small, intentional shifts that signal to your body, I’m safe here.

• Breathwork: Slows the heart rate and shifts the body into a receptive state.

• Pelvic release exercises: Stretching, deep hip opening, or rolling a crystal pleasure wand over tension points can help alleviate pelvic floor muscle dysfunction.

• Yoni egg practice with slow breathing: Training your body to experience fullness as relaxation rather than bracing.

“Tools like pleasure wands and yoni eggs may provide some benefit by helping increase pleasurable sensations and reduce tension,” says Bossio. “However, the focus should not be on simply ‘reducing pain’, it’s about increasing overall enjoyment, relaxation, and connection.”

The body isn’t something to force open. It needs to be invited into softness.

Where to Find Support

Viva La Vagina™ 2.0 – A transformational online membership designed for women ready to break free from sexual blocks, reconnect with their bodies, and unlock profound pleasure. Led by Courtney Davis, this membership provides:

• Step-by-step guidance to clear sexual numbness, pain, and barriers to deep pleasure.

• Techniques for using a yoni egg or crystal wand, and slow self-pleasure practices to reawaken sensitivity.

• Tools for self-led healing that don’t require external validation or performance.

• Access to an evolving library of lessons, guided practices, and expert insights to help you feel at home in your body.

The Role of Crystal Pleasure Wands in De-Armoring

For many women, pain during orgasm isn’t just about muscle tightness, it’s about layers of unconscious guarding in the pelvic region. This is where de-armoring comes in.

De-armoring is the process of releasing stored tension, emotional pain, scar tissue, and desensitization in the vaginal walls and cervix. The body forms these “armor” layers as a protective response to past discomfort, trauma, or even subtle societal conditioning around sex.

“Orgasms involve both the physical body’s response and the brain’s neurochemical responses,” explains psychologist Jenn Bossio. “This is why some women with pelvic floor dysfunction experience painful orgasms while others do not. Arousal can serve as a natural analgesic, overriding pain for some, while others need more direct support and safety to reach pleasure.”

How Crystal Pleasure Wands Can Help

Crystal pleasure wands are a gentle and effective tool for de-armoring because they allow for:

• Slow, intentional pressure on areas of tightness or numbness, helping the body release stored tension.

• Deepened awareness of where pain, resistance, or blocked sensation exists.

• Restored sensitivity by awakening parts of the vagina that may have become desensitized.

• A nervous system reset, teaching the body that penetration and pleasure can be experienced without pain.

Crystal pleasure wands come in various shapes, each designed to support different aspects of de-armoring. Slim wands offer gentle introduction for those with tightness or pain, while curved wands provide precise pressure-point massage for deeper release. Bulbous-ended wands like the Amrita Wand® target the g-spot and cervix, encouraging deeper activation and emotional release, while thicker wands enhance fullness and connection to sensation. Choosing the right shape allows for intentional de-armoring, meeting your body where it is and guiding it toward relaxation and pleasure.

“Pleasure wands and yoni eggs, when used intentionally and respectfully, can assist in reclaiming connection with one’s body,” says psychotherapist Kristie Tse. “However, it’s crucial that their use feels empowering rather than pressured; it’s about regaining trust in your body and its signals.”

Professional & Expert Guidance

Sex therapists & intimacy coaches – If past trauma, shame, or mental blocks are affecting your ability to feel pleasure, trauma-informed professionals can help heal and reframe your relationship with sex in a way that feels safe and empowering.

Pelvic floor specialists – Chronic pelvic tightness is a major cause of painful orgasms. Pelvic floor physical therapists can offer hands-on techniques, movement exercises, and tailored guidance to help release stored tension and restore comfort during intimacy. Additionally, untreated sexually transmitted infections can lead to pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), which may cause painful sex and other reproductive complications. Early diagnosis and treatment are crucial to prevent long-term damage.

“What works best is a multidisciplinary approach, combining emotional exploration, somatic techniques, and body education,” says Tse. “Every process is unique, but the goal is the same: letting go of unhelpful patterns and building safety and acceptance within our bodies.”

Medical experts - Conditions like uterine fibroids can interfere with uterine contractions, leading to discomfort during sexual activity, and should be evaluated along with other factors when diagnosing pelvic pain.

Conclusion: Reclaiming Pleasure, One Step at a Time

Your pleasure has been waiting, beneath the layers of tension, the unspoken memories, and the places where your body has learned to brace instead of receive.

Pain during orgasm isn’t just an obstacle to overcome. It’s an invitation asking you to listen, soften, and meet yourself in a new way.

Your body is wired for pleasure.

Not the kind of pleasure that’s rushed or forced or performed, but the kind that unfolds naturally, when you feel safe, when you feel seen, and when you allow yourself to surrender.

So let this be your permission slip.

To take your time. To explore at your own pace. To listen to your body, and believe what it tells you.

Pain does not have to be your story.

Pleasure - deep, full-bodied, fully felt pleasure - is your birthright.

And it’s waiting for you to say yes.