A Cure for Self Distrust

One of the biggest obstacles to self-trust is the fear of what we may lose as a result of following our inner knowing.

Self-trust involves making decisions & expressing ourselves in ways that can risk things that bring us stability,

Like connection, belonging, or the reliability of some external structure in our lives.

In many cases, apprehension in trusting ourselves is related to early-attachment wounding that continues to show up in our adult relationships.

When your attachment system learned that your ability to sense, discern, & decide certain things could jeopardize your safety to an extent that was once existential,

It rightfully obscured your connection to your inner compass.

In other words, the inner compass that has you follow your highest desires, growth, and expression became deprioritized by the parts of you that needed specific forms of safety. 

*This is not wrong, this is human.*

Today, that inner compass still exists within you.

But despite your most valiant conscious efforts, you remain “confused” & mistrusting of yourself because the compass contains information that is a perceived safety threat to your being.

Certain feelings, knowings, desires, & directions are muddied by something in you that says:

If I trust this fully, I may jeopardize something vitally important to me.

Many people condemn themselves for experiencing this kind of “stuckness.”

Or they pressure themselves towards clarity & courageous action,

Meanwhile something in them is screaming for its life.

It is rare that any kind of self-pressuring works as a long-term, sustainable strategy for building trust with yourself.

Because any kind of forcefulness in these scenarios tends to *enhance* the hold that your attachment system has,

Since the underlying safety threat has not been addressed, it has been suppressed.

Therefore, if you desire to uncover & trust your inner knowing more deeply, 

Yet you identify with this attachment-related “cloudiness” which makes it hard to SENSE & DISCERN what is true for you and to ACT on that clarity,

Rather than pressuring yourself towards clarity & courage,

Focus on what brings safety & stability.

Ask yourself:

What would give me the safety I require to SEE MY TRUTH in this situation?

What would give me the safety I require to HONOR MYSELF in this situation?

What would give me the safety I require to make the DECISION I know I need to make?

Allow yourself to come up with “irrational” or improbable answers.

For example:

I would need to know that no matter what, my partner will not leave me.

I would need to know that my community will still love & accept me if I make this decision.

I would need to know that my Dad will still be proud of me, even if I express myself like this.

In the cases for which your need involves something unrealistic or unlikely, simply identifying what would bring safety to you can create enough space for the inner knowing, next best direction, or expression to move through you.

In some cases, you may find that the need you discover is actually addressable. 

And at the very least, you will uncover the patterns within you that obscure your ability to trust yourself,

So that you may stop condemning yourself and discover a more compassionate way to interface with the tug-of-wars within you.