Over the past few years, I’ve watched “feminine embodiment” become a kind of performance, especially in spiritual and self-development spaces. There’s a growing trend around how to be feminine: speak softly, move slowly, wear dresses and flowy things, stay open and surrendered. It’s presented as empowerment, but so often, it feels scripted to me.

Instead of helping women feel more like themselves, it teaches them how to appear a certain way.

I’ve had my own journey with this. I’m a woman who is naturally direct.

I speak with clarity. I lead. I build things. I’m hands-on and grounded. And for a long time, I questioned if that disqualified me from being seen as “feminine.” When I tried to follow the feminine embodiment script, lowering my voice, softening my opinions, I didn’t feel powerful or more connected.

This article focuses on forced femininity and on the internal tension many women feel between who they are and who they think they’re supposed to be in order to be considered feminine. It’s a deeper look at how easily something meaningful, like feminine embodiment, can be turned into a new standard to live up to.

The Rise of “The Aligned Feminine Woman” (And Why It’s Trendy Now)

There is a modern spiritual trend built around the image of the “aligned feminine woman.” She is often described as emotionally open, energetically soft, intuitively guided, and in surrender to life or to the masculine. This idea has been positioned as the ideal, offered through coaching containers, social media content, and spiritual communities as the highest expression of feminine embodiment.

“Feminine energy” is being taught like a template, to embody the feminine, you must soften your voice, release control, open your heart, and trust the masculine to lead. The deeper implication is that your success depends on how well you can embody this version of womanhood. If you surrender enough, you’ll receive. If you’re soft enough, you’ll be chosen. If you’re radiant enough, everything will flow.

This framing creates a very narrow definition of what it means to be feminine, and for many women, especially for me, it doesn’t feel true.

Feminine energy is being reduced to aesthetics and behaviors, rather than being understood as a full-spectrum internal experience. Women are being coached to look embodied rather than to explore what embodiment actually means in their body and in their power.

Feminine Energy Can Have Many Expressions

I believe feminine energy can be strong, loud, fierce, decisive. It can say no. It can lead. It can hold boundaries.

If we look to actual feminine figures throughout history, especially queens, we see this clearly. If we look to history, Queen Elizabeth I led an empire with sharp intellect and unwavering authority, while Catherine the Great expanded Russia’s power through bold strategy and unapologetic leadership. Their femininity was inseparable from their strength, decisiveness, and command. Queens weren’t praised for being soft or submissive. They were praised for their clarity, leadership, authority, strategy, and presence. Their femininity was not diminished by their power, it was expressed through their power.

Real feminine embodiment can include softness, but it is not limited to it. It also includes strength. It includes confrontation, protection, truth, leadership.

The issue with the “aligned feminine woman” trend is not that it teaches softness, but that it often presents softness as the only valid, worthy, or spiritual expression of womanhood.

It’s a performance that sells the illusion of empowerment while subtly reinforcing humiliation and compliance.

What Is Performed/ Forced Femininity and Forced Feminization?

Performed Femininity	Authentic Feminine Expression
Acts soft, gentle, and surrendered even when she feels anger, fear, or resistance	Honors the truth of her emotional state, even when it’s not soft or palatable
Says “I trust the masculine” while ignoring red flags or gut discomfort	Listens to her instincts and sets clear boundaries when something feels off
Uses rituals to attract love, status, or results	Engages in practices to connect with herself, not to manipulate outcomes
Emulates emotions (crying, sighing, swaying) to appear “embodied”	Allows emotion to arise naturally, whether it’s visible or private
Tries to look feminine to gain approval (flowy clothes, soft voice, seductive gaze)	Expresses herself in ways that feel natural, regardless of how they are perceived
Avoids taking the lead to seem more “receptive”	Leads when called to, receives when it feels right, without following a script
Associates worth with being chosen, pursued, or desired	Knows her worth is internal and not dependent on being wanted by others
Suppresses directness, assertiveness, or ambition to appear more feminine	Integrates her power, voice, and clarity as part of her feminine identity
Bypasses discomfort to maintain a spiritual image	Faces discomfort with honesty and prioritizes integrity over appearance
Performs what femininity “should” look like	Embodies what femininity actually feels like in her own lived experience

Polarity Teachings and the Manipulation of Surrender

Polarity work is built on a simple premise: masculine and feminine energies create attraction through their contrast. It sounds harmless, even insightful. But the way it’s often taught has become a blueprint for behavior, not embodiment.

In polarity teachings, women are encouraged to cultivate feminine energy as a relational strategy. They are taught that if they want to experience intimacy and safety with a masculine partner, they must first embody softness and receptivity.

And on the surface, that may seem empowering. But in practice, it often teaches women to abandon their natural responses in favor of a pre-approved energetic posture. Surrender becomes a performance, not a state of being. The woman isn’t soft because she feels safe, she’s soft because she believes it will make him feel safe.

Polarity, when practiced this way, turns relational dynamics into a kind of choreography. The woman modulates her tone even her needs in the hope of getting a specific reaction from her partner. The feminine is no longer a fluid internal state.

What polarity teachings often create, then, is a new type of relational transaction: a woman sacrifices parts of her directness and agency in exchange for the hope that a man will step into his role. And when he doesn’t, when he stays passive or inconsistent, she assumes it’s because she hasn’t surrendered enough.

This reinforces the belief that her embodiment is the determining factor in his behavior. That her softness is the key to his strength. And that if the relationship isn’t working, she must be doing her feminine wrong.

Women deserve more than conditional intimacy based on how well they play a feminine role. They deserve relationships that meet them where they are, based on who they authentically are.

The Emotional Toll of Playing a Role

leads to real consequences. Emotional, physical, and psychological strain begins to accumulate beneath the surface. What looks like embodiment is often a performance that slowly disconnects women from their own truth. To begin healing, it’s important to leave behind inauthentic behaviors or roles that no longer serve you. Below are some of the most common symptoms women experience when the cost of playing the “feminine” role starts to catch up with them:

Vaginal Numbness: Many women in sacred sexuality spaces report numbness because they’ve spent so much time trying to appear orgasmic or open that their bodies shut down to protect them from the dissonance.
Jaw and Throat Tension: Chronic tightness in the jaw and throat is often a sign of unspoken truths. Women who suppress their opinions or avoid direct communication to appear “in their feminine” often experience pain or vocal fatigue.
Emotional Flatness or Shutdown: Trying to maintain a constant state of calm and trust leads many women into emotional suppression. Anger is reframed as “masculine wounding.” Fear is treated as lack of faith. The result is women start to feel emotionally flat, unable to access the full range of their emotions because only certain feelings are seen as acceptable.
Hypervigilance Around Expression: When femininity is policed, women become hyper-aware of how they’re coming across. They filter their language and hesitate to express anything that could be seen as “controlling” or “masculine.” This constant self-monitoring leads to a deep mistrust of your own communication instincts.
Burnout from Sustained Softness: Staying “feminine” becomes a full-time performance. The smiling, the receiving, the conscious movement, the radiant presence, it all requires energy. And because it’s so often done to secure safety or approval, it leaves women feeling drained.
Disorientation Around Identity: Over time, the gap between how a woman appears and how she actually feels becomes so wide that she begins to lose clarity on what’s real. Is this softness actually hers? Is the surrender genuine? The more she performs, the harder it becomes to locate herself outside of the role.

How to Spot Performance in Yourself

Am I doing this for myself, or to get a specific response?
Does this feel good in my body, or just look good from the outside?
Am I changing how I speak to seem more feminine or safe?
Do I feel more connected to myself, or more disconnected, when I do this?
Am I avoiding directness to avoid being called “too much”?
Would I still act this way if no one was watching?
What part of me do I have to hide to keep up this version of femininity?
Am I trying to earn love, approval, or attention through this expression?
Do I feel exhausted after being “in my feminine”?
What truth am I avoiding by staying in this role?

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Conclusion

Feminine energy can be expressed in many ways, through softness, yes, but also through strength, clarity, rage, direction, and deep instinct.

When we force ourselves into constant surrender and sweetness, we disconnect from the fuller spectrum of what our feminine energy holds. We miss the part of us that protects, that leads, that knows when to walk away, and when to stand firm.

True feminine embodiment, in my opinion, is allowing, without resistance, the full range of your expression to be felt and lived.

Meet Your Author

Danelle Ferreira

Danelle Ferreira is a content marketing expert who writes for women-owned businesses, creating heart-centered content that helps brands grow and messages spread with purpose. Her passion is helping women-led brands craft stories that move people. Her journey into content creation began seven years ago when she launched Ellastrology, an astrology YouTube channel that explored astrological wisdom and human connection. But it wasn’t long before she realized her true calling was in writing, the kind that makes people feel seen, heard, and understood. Now, as a mom, a writer, and an advocate for deeper conversations, she spends her days crafting content that empowers women while staying rooted in authenticity, all from her home in South Africa, surrounded by her loving son, two noisy parrots, and two sweet dogs.

Forced Femininity vs. Authentic Feminine Power