How a Woman’s Sexuality Changes as a New Mother
When a Woman enters into Motherhood, her relationship to the world around her drastically shifts, her instincts come online in a whole new way, and her awareness of the subtle realms is enhanced.
With these shifts, a Woman’s relationship to her sexuality will also shift and evolve. This can be a death where she is reborn into the world of sexual intimacy with new desires, such that her Womanly power and capacity are revered, and innocence is exalted.
Alongside this is a recalibration of the relationship to time. Life is now full with each moment prioritizing the well-being and nurturance of a child. The days and nights become one, and the continual moment-by-moment existence gives little space to life outside of these immediate responsibilities.
So where does intimacy fit in? Where is the presence of a once-expansive relationship to sexuality? If what it was before is no longer feeling nourishing, if there is no time available, no extra energy to invest, where does it exist?
Within the moments being lived.
Becoming a Mother and bringing forth and nurturing/sustaining life is one of the most intimate journeys and collection of experiences Women can embark upon. Yet as a collective, we have lost touch with the essence of life that is at the centre of these transitions and life experiences. We have forgotten how to embrace sexuality with reverence for its true power and innocence.
We have distanced from the pace of slow pleasure, leaving behind our yearnings for depth, presence and attunement.
A Deeper Desire Emerges
As we are reborn into ourselves anew as Mothers, we yearn for a revitalizing embrace. We desire a quality of penetration that drives us home into the remembrance of our very real Human existence as the Woman and now Mother that we are.
We desire a meeting within the deeper rooting systems of life and all that is Holy - a presence that can pierce through the daze we may be carrying and clear the confusion of who we are on the other side of the threshold we have crossed. We desire to be caressed and revered as the power-bearing Woman that we have come to know, and to be sought after, even amongst the disarray of a life that is entirely new.
Sexuality Redefined
Part of this transition is an initiation into a redefined relationship to sexuality as a whole. We learn that opportunities for intimacy exist within the most mundane of moments, that the essence of sexuality lives within the momentary exchanges that occur - like nursing your new Baby, creating a nourishing meal, laying in bed with your Baby and Beloved, and so on.
These moments can be explored and experienced in a way that inspires deeper connection and a remembrance of the sacredness contained within the creation of this new life. They can also satiate the desire for the pleasure that was once found within the sexual aspects of the relationship.
Life is inviting you deeper, with an opportunity to make sweet, devotional love with the space provided.
Rather than sexuality being something that is erotically expressed, or shared in an isolated experience (you and your partner), life is providing you with something different. Energy levels are lower, solo time is hard to find space for, and life is often on a time crunch.
Yet with an ability to reclaim and redefine our relationship with sexuality and the ways we expect it to be experienced, we can open to receive the satisfaction of deepening into life’s moments and expand upon what is already occurring.
This is where the redefinition occurs.
Ways to Welcome Nourishing Intimacy into New Motherhood
1. While Nursing your Baby
As a Mother, you are continually giving to your baby through every layer of your being, especially if you are nursing. We can feel drained and 'touched-out' from these sometimes-strenuous experiences with our little ones. However, this space is ripe with opportunity for sexuality to be enhanced and expanded upon, as it is within these moments that we have the ability to receive devotional love and care which flows directly to Baby through our breast. How fantastic is that?
Have your partner rub your shoulders, kiss your neck, rub your hands, massage your feet, breathe life between your thighs, perhaps hold your waist and honour the womb that created life. Whatever feels nourishing and desirable for you - allow yourself to receive it, and ask for it.
Through this, you can become aware of the impacts these ‘feel good’ hormones and bodily sensations have on you and your Baby. Your connection feels lighter, you’re embodied more deeply into your flesh and bones, your milk becomes abundant and more dense, infused with the love being made and multiplied all around you.
Within these experiences, your beloved can also witness the impacts of his presence, his attunement to your needs and desires, and how he too can nourish your baby through nourishing you. His placement becomes further recognized as something significant and purposeful, at a time where many Men feel useless and bothersome.
2. While laying with your Baby
Days and nights are strung together with little to no separation between the two. You’re tired and worn, you’re drifting between brain states, you’re feeling the most in your body that you have ever been, and at the same time entirely distant from it. At times it feels like you are a ship cast away at sea, guarding the sacred cargo at all costs, while weathering the storms as they role through. Sex and intimate connection are long lost thoughts here, especially when you feel entirely alone in these open waters.
These are the very moments where the presence of your beloved can guide you into still waters, where you can be rocked home to your body, where you can feel held within an embrace, and where what seems scary can dissipate as you anchor within your instinctual knowing once again.
Sexuality here looks like a recognition of a hard rock to lean on, a gentle penetrating presence that can lead to calm waters.
This is also a space where your beloved can recognize more clearly the potency of his presence. Where pleasure can become a purposeful remedy for the discombobulating experiences.
Journeying through the Rite of Passage into Mother as a Woman is multi-faceted, but a predominant theme is that we have the opportunity to become more attuned to what feels truly nourishing, and what does not... Where our boundaries reside, and where space can be held for life to be lived.
In relation to sexuality, we are provided the opportunity to attune to our shifting desires and needs with greater purpose and potency.
Through embarking on the inner quest to discover what we truly need and desire, we can vulnerably express this to those around us - specifically our beloveds.
This supports the recalibration process that is occurring on the other side of the dynamic - within your partner - as he too can become lost at sea with no indicators as to where or what happens next without this valuable information.
The threshold crossed is felt and known, but remains a mystery unless consciously explored.
By honouring these shifts within you as a Woman, and speaking from these transformational depths, those around you (again, specifically your beloved), are invited into the reverence deserved to be bestowed upon you. As you honour the expansion, death, contraction and rebirth within you, he too will meet you there.
Sexuality becomes something that is lived within, rather than something to ‘fit in’, as it becomes a crucial remedy and purposeful aid while enduring the otherworldly experiences that Motherhood delivers.
Written by Jordi Klassen
Jordi is a homesteading Mother to two Daughters, and is passionate about shifting the conventional narrative we as a society hold around core aspects of life including sexuality, livelihood, life's transitions, learning, and the way that we show up within them. Jordi believes that through welcoming true nourishment, presence and reciprocity, we can rectify a life that is attuned to the natural world and the innate physiologic design we carry as Human beings. Follow Jordi on Instagram @she.momma_.