Why Deconstruction Feels Confusing

Your present reality will ALWAYS feel confusing when a big pattern is untangling. ⁠ ⁠

Especially in relating… ⁠ ⁠

Questions like: ⁠ ⁠

- What is this all for? ⁠

- What is the point of relationship? ⁠

- What do I really want? ⁠

- etc etc etc ⁠ ⁠

Are just part of the untangling process. ⁠ ⁠

Because everything that stood upon the structure that is coming apart, will also come apart. ⁠ ⁠

This can feel scary, especially the first few times we experience it in life. ⁠ ⁠

During my major deconstruction, I could not comprehend fucking ANYTHING. ⁠ ⁠

I was walking the streets of NYC being like, ⁠ ⁠

😱 “What is the point of having a body?” ⁠ ⁠

😱 “Am I going to end up homeless?” ⁠ ⁠

😱 “WTF is everyone doing selling personal development, it’s all LUNACY and makes no fucking sense, there is ONLY the here and now!!!” ⁠ ⁠

I was full on tripping because big structures in my consciousness were coming apart. ⁠ ⁠

Nowadays I experience mini versions of this often. ⁠ ⁠

Whenever a codependency untangles in my relationship, there is something in me that has to check whether it still wants the relationship. ⁠ ⁠

(This is also why many people RESIST untangling codependency, because deep down there is a fear that the relationship will have to end) ⁠ ⁠

And sometimes it needs to! ⁠ ⁠

That’s the risk. ⁠ ⁠

There is never a guarantee that whatever job, relationship, purpose, or path you are on will feel right on the other side of internal deconstruction. ⁠ ⁠

So it comes down to trust & surrender. ⁠ ⁠

Knowing that what is meant for you, will remain. ⁠ ⁠ The more times we pass through these portals, the “easier” it gets. ⁠ ⁠

Because our trust in life’s intelligence deepens. ⁠ ⁠

But I share this to highlight that the thoughts & questions that arise during deconstruction are not necessarily “true” in an everlasting sense. ⁠ ⁠

They simply need to be honoured & explored as part of the process.