The Desire to Be Seen Impedes Healthy Boundaries
Often we resist drawing a boundary or severing an unhealthy relationship because there is some part of us that still wants that person to SEE us.
We want to be recognized & acknowledged in our fullness.
We want our worthiness & desirability to be validated.
It is incredibly painful to accept that someone, especially in intimate relating, cannot see us for how we want to be seen.
So by keeping the door half an inch open, there is still hope that they may finally "get it."
The irony of this - is that our relationships can only reflect back to us the worthiness we feel inside.
Because that is all we are available to receive.
And even more ironic is that if not for the remaining hope that we could convince the other to finally see us,
We may likely have no remaining interest in them at all.
The attractiveness of the relating is the deep drive to prove oneself, to oneself.
If our worth was deeply known within, there would be no heat in convincing the other to see it.
In my experience, this patterning integrates when we meet the pain of
- abandonment
- not having felt chosen
- not having felt seen
- not having felt wanted
As this pain integrates in the nervous system,
There is no more TRYING to avoid the relationships that are “bad” for us.
There is simply no longer an interest in them, because we are no longer an energetic match.
The boundary we’ve been trying to set effortlessly seals itself.
And there is no longer room for the other to “hook” into the part of us that seeks their recognition.