Often we resist drawing a boundary or severing an unhealthy relationship because there is some part of us that still wants that person to SEE us. ⁠

⁠

We want to be recognized & acknowledged in our fullness. ⁠

⁠

We want our worthiness & desirability to be validated. ⁠

⁠

It is incredibly painful to accept that someone, especially in intimate relating, cannot see us for how we want to be seen. ⁠

⁠

So by keeping the door half an inch open, there is still hope that they may finally "get it." ⁠

⁠

The irony of this - is that our relationships can only reflect back to us the worthiness we feel inside. ⁠

⁠

Because that is all we are available to receive. ⁠

⁠

And even more ironic is that if not for the remaining hope that we could convince the other to finally see us,⁠

⁠

We may likely have no remaining interest in them at all. ⁠

⁠

The attractiveness of the relating is the deep drive to prove oneself, to oneself. ⁠

⁠

If our worth was deeply known within, there would be no heat in convincing the other to see it. ⁠

⁠

In my experience, this patterning integrates when we meet the pain of⁠

⁠

- abandonment⁠

- not having felt chosen⁠

- not having felt seen⁠

- not having felt wanted⁠

⁠

As this pain integrates in the nervous system,⁠

⁠

There is no more TRYING to avoid the relationships that are “bad” for us.⁠

⁠

There is simply no longer an interest in them, because we are no longer an energetic match. ⁠

⁠

The boundary we’ve been trying to set effortlessly seals itself. ⁠

⁠

And there is no longer room for the other to “hook” into the part of us that seeks their recognition. ⁠