A Conundrum: You Want Someone Who Doesn’t Choose You Back

(or you want something from your partner they can’t currently give)

In this conundrum, you experience pain & dissatisfaction with the person you “want” for not choosing you or not showing up for you in the way you want, which can be seen as a form of romantic rejection.

Inherently this means that the relationship as it currently stands is NOT what you want, but you forget this fact and instead torture yourself and the other by continuing to hope & expect the other to become what’s right for you.

Letting Go of Control: How to Stop Obsessing Over Unrequited Love

When this is happening you are not in connection with your creational power to receive a match for what you DO want.

Furthermore your attachment to getting what you want with this specific person inhibits them from evolving into what you need or want because what actually allows someone to change & evolve is first acceptance for where & who they are now, today.

Your availability to be met by the match Life/God has for you (rather than who & how YOU THINK it should be) is actually what makes it possible for the person you’re attached to, to become what you desire, and this requires a high level of self-awareness.

Releasing Attachment: Letting Go Can Feel Like Death, But Self Love Can Heal

You must first be willing to die to the vision of it being them. And take that death seriously. Practicing self-love during this time is crucial for your emotional recovery.

It works like this: You hold the frequency of how you want to be met and then become available to be met that way.

(“Available to be met that way” means you are available for Life/God to bring you your desires in ways you do not expect! It is fundamentally about a release of control while holding the frequency of your desires as sacred.)

The Cost of Attachment: Controlling vs. Being Magnetic

Insisting that the person you’re attached to be the one to meet you is not you being available to be met. 

It’s you controlling. Which is far from magnetic. 

In order to receive what you desire, you must be willing to say no to what is not your desire. 

And that means dying to your attachment to the person whom you’re waiting for to show up differently. 

Funnily enough, when we are willing to die to the relationship - that is often what allows the relationship to become more of the thing we want,

Because the death often = an untangling of unconscious codependencies which restrict a relationship’s evolution. 

Moving Forward Without Guarantees for Your Mental Well Being

The risk is that there is no guarantee of what is on the other side of letting go.

But your willingness to grieve the attachment is what creates space to receive your desire in the form of either this current relationship evolving, or something different altogether. This process also prepares you for healthier future relationships.

FAQ

• How do I get over someone who doesn't want to be with me?

  Getting over someone who doesn’t want you starts with facing the reality that your desire for them isn’t being met. Acknowledge that this version of the relationship is not aligned with what you truly want. Letting go means honoring your own emotional needs rather than waiting for someone else to change. The most empowering step? Stop making excuses for their behavior and redirect that energy towards what you actually deserve.

• How to stop obsessing over someone who doesn't want you?

  Obsessing over someone who isn’t reciprocating your feelings is often rooted in the desire to be chosen. Stop giving them the power to determine your worth. Instead, ask yourself: “Why am I choosing someone who isn’t choosing me?” Shift your focus to building your own sense of self-worth. Practice self-care, spend time with real friends who remind you of your value, and actively limit contact that keeps you hooked, all of which can help rebuild your self-esteem.

• How do you lose feelings for someone who doesn't want you?

  Feelings don’t disappear overnight. Start by allowing yourself to grieve the idea of being with them. Ensure you are getting enough sleep, as it is crucial for your emotional well-being. Be honest about how you feel hurt and why you’re holding on. Reframe your thinking: It’s not about losing them, it’s about freeing yourself. Engage in new hobbies, spend time with people who lift you up, and focus on what you can control, your own healing.

• How do you deal with romantic rejection from someone who doesn't want you?

  Deal with it by reclaiming your power. It’s not your job to convince someone to love you or to keep chasing after their validation. Get real about their actions versus your expectations. If someone isn’t showing up for you, that’s all the clarity you need. Set boundaries that protect your mental well-being and redirect your energy towards people who genuinely value you.