How to Prevent Your Life From Falling Apart
Have you ever witnessed a loved one go through a major life transition and thought to yourself, “God, I hope that doesn't happen to me”…?
Or perhaps you've gone through one or more major transitions yourself, and ideally wish to avoid such significant upheaval from occurring again… if you can help it.
(Even though you fully recognize the gifts of those transitions, and totally prefer where you are now.)
In this article, I unpack the mechanisms that contribute to life needing to fall apart.
Not as a promise that it can be prevented. But so that we may dance through transitions with more ease & grace.
And perhaps discover a way of meeting life where extreme ups & downs can be replaced with gentle ebbs & flow.
Structures and Feeling-Frequencies
Let’s start with a framework of understanding…
Your life is full of structures: relationships, career path, creations, your home… AND structures in your consciousness including your ego identity.
These external & internal structures of your life configure to match the feeling-frequencies you hold & cultivate.
Think of your feeling-frequencies like a vortex that magnetizes the formation of structures in & around you.
These structures also change over time to keep matching the evolution of your desires & feelings. Maintaining good mental health and addressing mental illness is crucial in this process, as it ensures that your emotional and psychological well-being supports these evolving structures.
This is why in manifestation practices, people focus on what it FEELS like to already have the thing they want.
Because when you focus on the feeling, the configuration of your life shifts to match that feeling.
Why Structures Fall Apart: When Feelings and Reality Don't Match
Major reconfiguration or dissolution of structures can occur when we hit rock bottom and come into the (sometimes sudden & unintentional) recognition that our feelings & desires are not resonant with or supported by our current reality.
This is why many people's initial stories of awakening or transformation tend to be so “violent” or significant in nature.
The other reason major dissolution of structures can occur is when we have unconsciously clung to certain structures for too long, to preserve a sense of safety.
There becomes such a high amount of dissonance between your internal feeling-frequencies and structures that there is no option but to blow-up the structures entirely.
While it does happen that a drastic event in our lives suddenly illuminates or creates high dissonance - this tends to be less common.
Two Reasons Why Dissonance Accumulates
More commonly, dissonance accumulates
For two reasons:
Refusal or inability to listen to feelings & desires at a more subtle level, before they become loud.
Avoidance of grief & death.
I explored the first reason in my recent article titled Your Attachment System: The Saboteur of Desire.
Let’s now explore the second reason. Avoidance of grief & death.
In order to embrace the desires within us that promote growth & creativity, we must constantly meet varying levels of grief, death, and feeling lost.
The old must die so the new can be born.
But letting go is painful & uncomfortable. And thus many of us have developed patterns which make us non-receptive to information that illuminates the necessity of letting go.
We want to HOLD ON to the sense of who we are.
We want to HOLD ON to our original business vision.
We want to HOLD ON to our relationship in its current form.
Therefore…
We compromise.
We bargain.
We ignore.
We fight against change.
And eventually, we have resisted important feeling-information for long enough that instead of digesting small bites of grief, we are met with a mountain of it as we are forced to finally die to the structures we’ve been clinging to.
This pattern leads to BIG ups & downs in life.
Periods of seeming-consistency and thriving,
Followed by BIG upheaval & change.
While I make no promises of avoiding upheaval altogether,
There is another way of experiencing life with less “violence” & intensity:
Intentionally communing with the evolving feeling-frequencies, desires of your being, and embracing challenges.
Finding Stability Through Desired Feelings, Not Structures
This intentional communing means finding safety in the curation of desirable FEELINGS,
Rather than clinging solely to the safety of structures.
Which means creating inner stability through exploring & collecting the specific feelings you most desire to experience.
For example:
The FEELING of having your lover close, and being met by them in the ways that are most exquisite to you.
The FEELING of being creatively expressed in your business in the specific ways that fulfill you.
The FEELING of being at-home in community.
How to Cultivate Feeling-Frequencies for Stability
When we resource ourselves by anchoring into these feelings, we find a kind of safety that is not dependent on the ongoing existence of certain structures.
…We can still find some safety in structures.
But this comes more from “resting” into the structures that are presently here.
Rather than clinging to them in the hopes that they never change.
When we find stability through the curation of desirable feelings, this allows structures to form, shift, & deconstruct more fluidly.
Which yes - means experiencing grief & loss more frequently.
But the loss is less significant.
And this allows for a kind of ongoing evolution of structures that can match the ongoing evolution of feelings & desires, supporting personal growth .
Which means it is far less likely that the structures of your life will reach a point of needing to blow up entirely,
And instead there can be an ongoing “pruning” and adjusting of the structures to remain in alignment with the feeling-frequencies that your being prioritizes.
There are many ways I explore & curate feeling-frequencies.
One major way is through slow self-pleasure & tending to the subtle sensations in my body.
In fact, the beginning of my journey with desire (which is still foundational to how I move through the world today) was & is all about connecting to the Voice of My Pussy
If you're prepared to listen, your pussy will provide you with ongoing information about the frequencies that your being is longing to experience.
You can then explore & curate this feeling-information as a way to find safety,
And as a way to uncover what you most desire to create in the world!
The structures of your life then form in support of your feelings of safety & creative fulfillment.
(Yes - connecting to your pussy & pleasure is THIS influential in shaping your relationships, career, creations, home, and identity!)
To explore this more deeply, I invite you to join me here
Alternatively (or additionally), I invite you to simply start noticing:
How aligned are the structures of your life with how you desire to FEEL?
Where is there accumulating dissonance?
Exploring the nuanced feeling-frequencies of your desires will be helpful for answering this.
Why Clarity About Your Desires Makes You Magnetic
The more specific you can be about the feeling-frequencies you want to experience in life, the more magnetic you become to the matching structures. Focusing on these specific feelings can help you navigate through difficult moments and look forward to a brighter future.
It’s like giving ultra-clear instructions to the universe.
(This is counterintuitive to how many people think… Many people assume if they keep their desires broad, they’ll get more of what they want. Not true. But more on this another time.)
I hope this article serves or inspires you in some way :)
FAQ
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What do I do if my life is falling apart?
First, realize that feeling like your life is falling apart doesn’t mean it actually is. It’s essential to acknowledge that these moments are a natural part of personal growth. When life falls apart, it’s often because your inner world no longer matches your outer structures. Instead of pushing against the discomfort, sit with it. Allow yourself to cry, to rest, to listen to what your emotions are revealing. Your soul is asking for a shift. Start by connecting with the feelings you most desire, whether it’s peace, stability, or connection. Create small practices that anchor those feelings, even when everything else feels uncertain.
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How to stay positive when everything is falling apart?
It’s tempting to get stuck in the darkness when things fall apart, but staying positive doesn’t mean ignoring reality. Instead, it’s about focusing on the essence of what you still have: your body, your breath, your capacity to create new ideas. Connect with an old friend, take a break from the constant mental noise, and engage in activities that bring a sense of calm, like preparing a healthy meal or putting your feet on the earth. Positivity in these moments is less about forced happiness and more about nurturing small sparks of hope and forward movement.
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How to calm down when your world is falling apart?
When it feels like the world is collapsing around you, grounding yourself in the present is key. Take a deep breath and focus on what you can control: your breath, your thoughts, your body. Engage in simple acts of self-care, like a warm bath or a walk. Talk to someone who won’t try to fix things but will just sit with you. If your thoughts are racing, write them down. Acknowledge that feeling lost is part of the process and that, eventually, you’ll find your way forward. Allow yourself to pause and rest before deciding your next steps.