What Makes Someone a Bad Lover?
What makes someone a bad lover?
If you’re like most women (and many men), one of the first things that comes to mind is when someone is mis-attuned.
That unmistakeable feeling when someone’s touch just feels “off.”
Or they aren’t responding appropriately to the emotional, physical, and energetic signals that are present.
Attunement is related to awareness.
If you are more sensitive than your lover, and therefore your body’s signals don’t register in their awareness,
You’ll experience them as mis-attuned to you.
This is why someone can only “meet” you as deeply as they have met themselves.
They cannot guide or join you in territory that they aren’t willing to navigate in their own psyche or body.
Another key aspect of attunement that is often overlooked is:
Receptivity.
How receptive someone is to sensual & emotional information (especially pleasure), greatly affects how attuned they can be as a lover.
Think about it:
If a man is exerting himself in the world, or engaging in an intimate conversation, or physically exploring a woman’s body,
If he is not receptive to the information that is generated by his actions or touch in real time,
He will be responding & continuing to take action that is void of crucial information.
As a result, he will be mis-attuned.
A non-receptive man (or woman) = a bad lover 😳
And the mistake many men make is in assuming they are taking in more information than they actually are.
Especially when it comes to pleasure.
This past Sunday, I guest-taught for an online class hosted by my partner.
(He hosts a weekly Sunday call for men focused on embodiment explorations related to dating & intimacy.)
This past Sunday’s call was about self-pleasure, including yet going beyond the obvious associations of m*sturbation & p*rn.
We invited the men to explore their relationship to self-pleasure in all its forms.
Food, touch, eroticism, environment, and so on.
We began by asking the men to share about their relationship to self-pleasure, which led to the revealing of experiences like…
“I’m good at giving myself pleasure but I feel like I need to hide it.”
“I feel like I have to rush my experiences of pleasure.”
“I have difficulty creating time & prioritizing what has me feel good.”
“I am not very well-acquainted with what brings me pleasure.”
I shared a couple of key reasons as to why a man’s receptivity and ability to be in connection to his own pleasure is key to being a good lover.
His own level of receptivity (i.e. the extent that he can allow himself to be “penetrated”) greatly influences how he penetrates.
Meaning - how he penetrates the world with his intentions, decisions, and actions,
But also how he penetrates and brings pleasure to women.
And then I guided the men through an exercise of slow, non-sexual self-touch.
(Which is typically what I guide women through in my programs as a precursor to the deeper sexual practices.)
The results of this group practice were quite moving:
Many of the men had big emotional releases, realizing how often they rush past feeling a certain kind of intimacy with themselves.
A number of the men were able to recognize how their body needed a certain quality of touch that would create relaxation & safety before their self-touch would start to become pleasurable.
And at the end of this practice, there was an exquisite felt-sense of intimacy & connection among everyone on the call.
There was a receptivity present in each of the men.
A state of receptivity that they don’t often exist within.
This whole experience reminded me of one of the reasons why I initially fell in love with Cock Worship & offering pelvic massage to men:
When I create the conditions for a man to receive pleasure well,
He becomes a better lover.
He becomes instantly more attuned & available for deep intimacy,
Because he is receptive to more information in our shared space.
(Including the information emanating from my body!🌶️)
Two keys to being able to worship cock skillfully:
Cultivation of receptivity. I have been told many times by friends & lovers how good it feels to give to me. People love giving to me, because I’m great at receiving. And I’m great at receiving, because I’ve had a lot of practice 😉. 100% of what we do inside Viva La Vagina™ 2.0 Membership supports the cultivation of receptivity. There are more than 80 teachings & practices all based in self-connection & self-pleasure.
Ability to trust pleasure & access the body’s intelligence as a reliable compass for attuning to my man, in support of giving him pleasure and enhancing his receptivity. This is the foundational teaching that underlies everything inside the Art of Cock Worship™ Online Course. We help you discover your own unique flavor of cock worship that has you feel completely confident - because it’s not based in principles, it’s based in the wisdom of your own body which you can learn to access with ease!
You can join Viva La Vagina™ 2.0 for only $49 here.
You can join Art of Cock Worship™ here.
And you can get my FREE Instructions for offering a Pelvic Massage Ritual to your man here.