Navigating Deep Intimacy & Attachment Trauma

With every step you take into deeper intimacy, the more likely your 𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐦𝐚 will become triggered. ⁠
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Thus I have found that the bigger the opening I experience with a lover, especially if not enough groundwork & safety has been established first, the more triggered & destabilized I will find myself afterwards. ⁠
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I think most people play this out rather unconsciously, as I did for much of my life. For example, you have sex early on and the passion feels incredible in the moment, but then you find yourself feeling anxious, uncertain & needy afterwards. ⁠
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You then send out unconscious “hooks” into the other person to seek security & stability, which can turn out to be the very thing that drives that person away - leaving you further triggered. ⁠
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I am forever re-learning the lesson of GOING SLOW.
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When I think I’m going slow, I can still go slower. ⁠
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This is not specifically about sex, it is about any kind of energetic opening that occurs between you and another. ⁠
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It is about honouring the pace of the heart. Honouring the capacity of the nervous system. ⁠
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I think we often try to take big steps towards deeper intimacy because we think it will create some sort of fulfillment or even bring us security to soothe our attachment wounds- but again I am learning that the gentle journey of opening is exquisite... ⁠
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In fact, I feel that my field becomes stronger & MORE attractive with this kind of boundaried progression because it communicates an energy of self-worth & self-honouring. ⁠
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It is healthy to allow your heart time to open. ⁠
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To allow yourself time to sense & feel whether another person has met you in such a way that you feel safe & honoured, and from this place the deepening happens effortlessly. ⁠