Developing the Inner Masculine Foundation

I used to feel huge urgency around MAKING things happen in my life.⁠ When I’d relate with a new man, I would feel a need to push things forwards because I needed certainty.⁠

When I’d have a new business idea, I would get manic about executing it and felt like I couldn’t get to the outcome soon enough.⁠

When I’d experience a relational conflict, I would REQUIRE that we hash it out straight away.⁠

I had very little capacity to sit in the unknown.⁠ And I was not connected to a sense of trust & safety within myself.⁠

I couldn’t let go of control.⁠ And I thought this made me “masculine” but in fact these were immature masculine qualities.⁠

I was wearing a controlling masculine *shell* to protect the terrified little girl underneath.⁠

I am a deeply feminine being and while I’ve always cherished my leadership abilities, I truthfully *really* wanted to feel led.⁠

From the exhaustion of always needing to stay in control, I projected frustration, disappointment, and lack of trust onto others (especially men).⁠

And I didn’t really enjoy the *journey* of my creative projects because I was always rushing towards ensuring the outcome I wanted.⁠

Underneath all the control was absolute terror.⁠

So as my control patterns crumbled, I went through tremendous panic.⁠

Months of feeling so irrationally unsafe that I had many moments of not wanting to live anymore.⁠

And for much of it, I couldn’t see the beauty of where I was headed.⁠

But slowly, my inner masculine capacity to be PRESENT to the chaos within me grew.⁠

I started experiencing safety WITHIN myself like never before.⁠

And I was initiated into a level of unshakeable TRUST in myself.⁠

Sooo many fruits have come from this journey but the one I want to highlight most is that the feminine in me now feels safe to blossom like never before 🌸🌸🌸⁠

As such I can be in a place of true receptivity and listening to how life wants to move through me.⁠

I can rest as I am, as the “flower,” and trust that I can attract what I need into my life without “doing” anything… for all doing arises from the space of being, first.⁠

And I cherish the journey. I am no longer under the delusion of “someday” and rather I am fulfilled by the unfolding mystery of each moment.

Feeling very blessed to have gone through this journey and experiencing the payoff both in business & relating of all kinds.