When it comes to pleasing another, I lead from MY pleasure first. No matter what.⁠

If you don't follow this principle, you might judge it to be selfish.⁠

But here's the truth:⁠

If I'm not a full YES - aka if I'm not in MY pleasure - you feel it.⁠

When I give from obligation,⁠

Or when I over-step what feels good for ME in order to give to you,⁠

You feel it.⁠

Boundary violations don't just harm an individual, they harm the collective field.⁠

Which means that even if I put on a convincing performance,⁠
If I'm over-stepping myself in order to please you,⁠

Your energetic body knows it on some level.⁠

Why do you think it's WAAAAY more pleasurable to receive oral when the person is undeniably enthusiastic about it?⁠

And why do you think it feels so awful to receive something given out of obligation?⁠

There's a pattern that plays out unconsciously in relating of all kinds (family, friendship, partnership, & sex) that goes something like this:⁠

You overextend yourself & give from obligation because at some point you learned that self-sacrifice is noble & necessary.⁠

"That's what family is about"⁠
"That's what partnership is about"⁠
"That's what being a good lover is about"⁠

You might even get egoic gratification from this pattern, thinking that giving, giving, giving makes you a "better person" or a great lover.⁠

But most of us learned this way of relating because we were never modelled HEALTHY BOUNDARIES.⁠

So you learned to over-step what feels good for YOU and expect others to do the same.⁠

And then you resent those who DO set boundaries, because if you're unable to honour your OWN boundaries, you will not detect & respect the boundaries of others.⁠..⁠

Plus you'll believe they're WRONG for honouring their boundaries.⁠

Bottom line is that when you stay true to what feels good for YOU, you serve the highest good of ALL.⁠

(And the highest pleasure of all 😏)⁠