How to Become More Sexually Sensitive (& Orgasmic)
If you want to become more orgasmic and experience more sexual pleasure, the solution does NOT come from more stimulation. In fact - it’s the opposite.
If you want to become more orgasmic, focus on becoming more sensitive.
Sensitivity is not something you either do or don’t have - it’s an ability that you can cultivate. Which means that YES - you can cultivate the ability to be more orgasmic and to feel more pleasure in your body.
The catch is that in order to experience more bliss & pleasure, we have to be willing to feel more pain as well. If we consistently strive for bliss but avoid pain, the extent of bliss we can experience becomes more and more limited. In avoiding pain, we are effectively diminishing our own sensitivity by suppressing & bypassing our depth of feeling.
Everything is in balance - and thus the depths of pain you enter are proportionate to the bliss you experience.
This is an important starting point in understanding sensitivity, because the journey to becoming more sensitive is uncomfortable. You must feel what you haven’t wanted to feel. And there are layers of patterns that we’ve all unconsciously developed from a young age that allow us to avoid feeling deep pain.
Therefore, becoming more sensitive includes becoming aware of these unconscious patterns. It also includes becoming aware of & actually FEELING the pain underneath.
While this article is not a comprehensive personal development course on how to deconstruct your personality and get in touch with your deep childhood wounds (you can pay me the big bucks for that :P), I will provide you with very simple & effective ways to become more sensitive in your everyday life. This sensitivity & increased presence will translate to the bedroom & the sexual pleasure you experience. (Hint: All of these suggestions serve to increase your AWARENESS - of your body, emotions, thoughts, sensations, etc.)
Slow EVERYTHING down. Consciously slow your life down - and your sex - so that you are forced to notice & feel the subtleties. Often we tend to speed up when we are uncomfortable or stressed in some way. As a result, it’s common to feel resistance to slowing down because it forces us to feel many of the uncomfortable things we try to avoid feeling. So in slowing down, also challenge yourself to “sit in the fire” of uncomfortable emotions that arise.
Cultivate awareness of your body on a regular basis through practices like yoga, dance, self-touch & exercise.
Acknowledge your emotions! There is so much spiritual bypassing that occurs as a result of people’s desire to live in joy & bliss. But the reality is that if you are not acknowledging & engaging with your full spectrum of emotions, you are simply bypassing them. There is no stage of enlightenment or awakening at which we stop experiencing certain emotions - and actually the path of awakening is accelerated by embracing all that exists within you. To become more sensitive, you must acknowledge & feel what’s actually there.
Practice expressing yourself in unfiltered ways. This means entering into realms of taboo expression like rage, shame, disgust, & self-pity. In doing this, you’ll be giving yourself permission to feel more. You can do this specifically by asking others permission to outrightly project onto them, or by expressing yourself just in your own company. (The first option of expressing yourself to others is often more challenging - yet can also be more valuable).
Conscious breathing. Bring your awareness to your breath, particularly by noticing when it stops or becomes shallow. This will help you become more present and thus tuned-in to your experience. Notice how your breathing changes as you experience different emotions - and how you can choose to “breathe into” an emotion, thus experiencing it more deeply rather than running from it.
Remove excess stimulation. This means cutting out the things that you normally engage with for a quick hit of dopamine when you’re bored, anxious, depressed, etc. For me - this includes limiting time on my cell phone & social media, as well as avoiding porn/fantasy during masturbation. Unless used with a LOT of conscious awareness, these things are causing most of us to become much LESS present with ourselves & our environment.
Body de-armouring. This is the process of massaging points in the body that hold tension. In combination with deep breathing & sounding (making sounds on each exhale), you can release stored emotions & open the flow of orgasmic energy in your system. It’s the same principle as self-yoni massage where we de-armour the vagina to heal trauma, release emotions, and awaken more pleasure. Learn more about self-yoni massage in my course here.
Subtle awareness of sensations. See how much you can feel by doing very little. Practice bringing your awareness to your sensations so acutely, that you develop an energetic awareness of what’s happening in your body without even needing to physically move or touch yourself.
Prioritize relaxation. When your body & mind are hyper-focused and hardened due to stress, they will become less sensitive. The more time you take to relax, feel, & process emotions, the more open your body will become to pleasure & orgasmic energy.
Self-honouring & boundaries. When you are in touch with your own needs & able to honour them with strong boundaries, you develop self-trust and thus the ability to feel safe & at ease in your own body. The more safe & at ease you feel, especially as a woman, the more your body can relax & open into deep, surrendered pleasure.
Lastly, it’s important to note that with increased sensitivity, you’ll need to become more discerning. Your increased sensitivity means you’ll feel the effects of interacting with others (sexually or otherwise) more strongly. Your increased sensitivity will lead to deeper intimacy, but it will also mean that it’s no longer easy to bypass the things you previously tolerated.
My experience is that in becoming more sensitive, I’ve needed to become more discerning to honour that sensitivity. I’ve also found myself in a teaching role in my sexual interactions more frequently - as I guide others to “meet” me in my sensitivity.
To learn more about awakening your sexual pleasure & expanding your orgasmic capacity, explore the e-courses in the School of Sexual Awakening.
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