My Masturbation Routine
I’ve spent years modifying and deepening my self-pleasure practice to understand what helps my body to relax & open. So with this article, my hope is that by revealing the masturbation routine I’ve been “perfecting” with conscious intention for quite some time - I can inspire new perspectives & approaches to self-pleasure.
There are several principles that have become the pinnacle of my masturbation routine. These are essentially guidelines that have proven to promote powerful self-connection, more pleasure, NEW experiences of orgasm, self-confidence, and more. You can read about all the reasons I self-pleasure here.
The first principle is that I remove the goal of orgasm. In fact - there are many times when I self-pleasure and don’t orgasm at all.
Striving for orgasm immediately causes us to become less present. “Striving” implies that we are trying to get somewhere and make something happen - and this striving in sex or self-pleasure occurs ALL the time for most people without their conscious awareness. It can be identified by a sense of urgency or a need to tense the body in order to experience more pleasure.
When you eliminate striving and focus solely on the present moment, your experience becomes richer & less predictable. Pure presence is what allows for surrender into deep states of orgasm.
In the description of my masturbation routine below, the emphasis I place on slowing down & bringing awareness to my present experience - the sensations, emotions, & flow of energy in my body - is obvious. And you can understand the value of this yourself very easily…
If you stimulate yourself with self-touch yet focus your attention on something else, you require MORE stimulation to experience the same intensity of pleasure that you could be experiencing with LESS stimulation IF you were simply paying more attention to the stimulation.
Put simply - if you bring your awareness to a sensation, the sensation will feel more intense than if you are not paying attention to it. Thus, you can intensify your own experience simply by paying attention… which is why one of the major principles I adhere to in my self-pleasure practice is slowing down, stimulating myself LESS, and paying attention to the subtleties.
While I can basically have a clitoral orgasm on-demand by whipping out my vibrator, I’ve also eliminated my vibrator from my regular-use toy collection.
My vibrator was once an empowering asset - I remember buying my first one with a fake ID at an adult store as a teen. I also recall struggling to figure out exactly how to bring myself to orgasm with it for a few months - before it FINALLY happened and I developed a habit of having 10-20 clitoral orgasms within a matter of minutes.
But eventually something shifted… and the quick hit of intense pleasure that clitoral orgasms provided me became dissatisfying. I started noticing how clitoral orgasms on my own AND with partners would leave me feeling depleted, numb, disconnected and… depressed!
Energetically, the clitoral orgasm resembles the ejaculatory orgasm that males experience. There is an “ejecting” of energy from the body, and while we experience a temporary high, there’s an obvious low that follows. Furthermore, striving for peak-orgasm experiences can easily become an addiction, and the nature of peak-orgasms is such that we often tense our body, hold our breath, and basically experience pleasure in an extremely limited way.
So, while I haven’t given up my vibrator completely - I consciously choose to avoid it most of the time. I’ve found that it actually LIMITS my experience of pleasure due to the excessive focus on clitoral stimulation that it promotes, and the fact that it desensitizes my pussy & body to pleasure because of the intense stimulation.
I also avoid porn. To be honest, fantasizing or watching porn has never been something I’ve done much of during self-pleasure. I’ve always been more interested in experiencing pleasure that’s connected to THIS very moment, rather than pleasure that’s connected to something outside of me or my immediate experience.
I realize that fantasy & porn are instrumental in many people’s masturbation routines. And while porn can be fun once in a while (just like my vibrator) my firm belief is that LESS stimulation and LESS fantasy lead to more sensitivity & presence - which in turn leads to deeply fulfilling pleasure, connection, & orgasms.
If you learn one thing from this article, let it be this - the more you can relax and tune in to the subtle sensations, emotions, & energy in your body, the more pleasure you will experience. AND - the more profound your orgasms will become.
If you want to experience an orgasm that you’ve never experienced before, you have to realize that it will come in a way you least expect. If you could expect it or strive for it - then it wouldn’t be a NEW experience of orgasm. You would simply be re-affirming a path to orgasm you’ve already experienced.
The summary of principles that have shaped my self-pleasure practice include:
Removing the goal of orgasm (which first will mean breaking your addiction to peak-orgasm experiences)
Relax, relax, relax
Slowing down & developing sensitivity… particularly by bringing awareness to subtle sensations and noticing when an emotion arises that I want to bypass - then allowing myself to deeply feel that emotion regardless of whether it feels “good” or not. Read my article on how to develop sexual sensitivity here.
Avoiding fantasy & porn
Using breath as a barometer (i.e. conscious breathing, and noticing when my breath becomes shallow or stops altogether… Changes in breath are good indicators of what is going on emotionally & physically)
Honouring my yoni (sending her loving thoughts and asking her whether she is ready for penetration). Self-honouring is foundational to experiencing more pleasure & deep intimacy.
Emphasis on INTERNAL exploration & pleasure rather than fixation on the clitoris.
Whole-body touch & pleasure
REMOVING THE PRESSURE! The pressure to orgasm, to feel pleasure, or to feel GOOD in any way. Self-pleasure is about self-permission! Giving yourself permission to be & feel however you need to. Sometimes it’s about getting off - other times it’s about simply slowing down & connecting with myself in a loving, intentional way. Sometimes my self-pleasure is just about me holding myself with a nice long hug…
And without further ado… MY MASTURBATION ROUTINE REVEALED!*
PRIVACY. I lock the door. Knowing that I won’t be interrupted in the midst of a vulnerable moment allows me to feel safe & at ease.
Juicy music. Here is my most recent self-pleasure playlist on Spotify for your listening pleasure.
Sensual strip tease - for myself. I enjoy the process of sensually taking off my clothes and savouring my own naked body.
I lay down on my No More Wet Spot blanket. I don’t like to feel held back by the potential mess I might make.
Propping myself up with pillows. Sometimes I prop myself up in a half seated/half lying down position. This makes it easier to reach certain places on/in my body. It’s also nice to prop your knees up with pillows with your legs in more of a splayed, “butterfly” position.
Bring awareness to breath. I consciously take long, slow, deep breaths in through the nose & out through the mouth. I allow myself to sigh and moan. This breath awareness initiates deeper relaxation & presence - and I keep my awareness on my breath throughout the entire session.
Heart-space breathing. I begin by placing one hand on my heart and one hand over my yoni. I visualize breathing into my heart and my yoni, and feeling them relax & open. This is the moment where I really tune in to myself, feel my current emotional state, and the sensations flowing through my body.
Sounds. From the very beginning, I start to make sounds on every exhale. Moans, groans, sighs… everything is welcome. The sounds I make evolve… and as I get further into my self-pleausure routine, the sounds will often become louder & more cathartic. I allow myself to scream, express rage, laugh, cry, etc. Everything is welcome! (For those not used to making sounds, practice making a sound on every exhale. It may feel forced at first, but over time will feel more natural).
Breast massage. I use my favourite breast massage oil by Living Libations that smells beautiful and is formulated with high-quality oils that support breast health - specifically circulation, cell regeneration, & lymph drainage. The breast-heart connection is powerful, and so I spend time loving on my breasts to increase arousal and feel my heart-space soften & open. Often times as women when we feel that sex & self-pleasure has become “dull,” we are missing the sparkle of heart-connection. Breast-massage helps with this.
Whole-body stimulation. I progress from my breasts to my arms, belly, hips, thighs, pelvis… even face & neck. I touch myself slowly & sensually wherever my body is calling for love & attention. This is essential to helping my whole body relax & open up - which allows sexual energy & pleasure to flow more freely through my system.
Loving on my vulva. I spend time massaging my inner and outer labia between my fingers. I use my palm to press against my entire vulva & clitoris in a slow, circular motion. With this, I typically feel my arousal build quickly and often become tempted to aggressively stimulate my clitoris to have a peak-orgasm. Usually, I avoid this temptation and use deep breathing to spread the arousal & concentration of sexual energy throughout my entire body.
Asking my yoni if she’s ready for penetration - by placing one hand on her and one hand on my heart. If I intuitively feel that she says “yes” - then I progress to inserting 1-2 fingers.
Massage myself internally using fingers for a few minutes.
Crystal pleasure wand. I use my Rose Quartz Dildo and slooooowly insert it. Moving it back and forth, gradually inserting it deeper. Once I feel it make contact with my cervix, I hold it there and take a few long, slow, deep breaths. I often will engage my PC muscles around it several times, slowly twirling and moving the wand, and noticing the subtle sensations. With the wand pressed up against my cervix, I usually experience a lot of emotion and allow myself to make strong sounds. Keeping the wand pressed up against my cervix, I use my other hand to gently stimulate my clitoris, vulva, and inner thighs.
Experiencing my emotions. The combination of sound, breathing, and deep penetration allows me to surrender deeply into my emotions & sensations. Deep cervical stimulation can sometimes be tender &/or painful, and it results in a physical/energetic feeling of my heart opening. I love to breathe into this and feel the release. (You can learn more about this in the Cervical Awakening guide)
Mixing it up. From here, I either continue with cervical stimulation, or will swap my crystal pleasure wand out for my Cervix Serpent or G-Spot wand.
Cervix Serpent. I use the Cervix Serpent for self-yoni massage. Meaning I consciously massage my cervix and all throughout the inside of my yoni - identifying points of numbness, pain, tension, etc. and using my breath & sounds to experience physical & emotional release. You can learn more about this in my Self-Yoni Massage course.
G-Spot pleasure. I use the Venus Wand (I feel excited just THINKING about it right now…) for g-spot pleasure. It is a deeply-penetrating toy that helps me reach places of cathartic emotional release & epic pleasure. I typically experience ejaculation with this toy within minutes of using it… I have tried many g-spot toys and never experienced the same satisfaction as I have with this one. You can learn more about awakening the g-spot, how to experience g-spot orgasms, and experiencing female ejaculation in my G-Spot Bliss course.
Intermittently stopping. I often pause throughout my self-pleasure practice to stop, breathe, notice what I’m feeling, and allow myself space to relax. Whenever I notice that my body is becoming tense, I’m holding my breath, or I’m feeling resistance, I allow myself to pause & reconnect to myself.
Integration time. When I’ve decided to bring my self-pleasure to a close (whether that’s after bringing myself to orgasm or not), I place one hand on my yoni and one hand on my heart. I take some breaths, send loving thoughts & gratitude to my body & vagina, and spend some time allowing myself to rest in silence. When I do move again, I go slow.
Creativity. Without fail, my creative juices flow like crazy after self-pleasuring in this way. So I typically spend time writing, creating new content, capturing new ideas, etc. Sexual energy is creative, life-force energy! When you self-pleasure in this way, you are effectively revving up your life-force.
*This “routine” is more like an intuitive story that I re-write each time. It never looks exactly the same but it DOES consistently involve the self-pleasure principles I mentioned near the beginning.
Let me know in the comments below - what does your masturbation routine look like - and what are you inspired to try or change?
To learn more about fulfilling self-pleasure & awakening your sexual power, check out the online courses in the School of Sexual Awakening.
To purchase the pleasure wands I mention in this article, browse the shop here.
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