Penis Massage How-To
My motivations for giving a penis massage are equally as selfish as they are selfless.
I love connecting to the heart of a man through his cock.
I love how he relaxes into his body & becomes more present.
As I see him, acknowledge him, & honour him through a nourishing, slow penis massage, a deep connection is created that sets the stage for incredible lovemaking.
In giving, I receive tenfold!
After a recent penis massage I gave, my lover said to me that...
he didn't realize how much tension he held around his cock until I paid so much attention to it & released it
he was finally able to relax & let go of the pressure of performing
he felt more trusting & connected to me
he understood more deeply what it means to be "present" in lovemaking, because he was able to relax his entire body while we had sex afterwards
it established way more intimacy between us even though we hadn't known each other very long at the time
it felt amazing for him to actually receive with no expectations of giving something in return
he felt honoured - especially because he could sense that I enjoyed the experience of giving, too!
There are 3 key aspects of penis massage that make it a delicious experience for both the giver & receiver...
1. Permission to receive. There is a lot of cultural, collective pressure on men to perform sexually. When a man knows that he gets to receive with nothing expected of him in return - he can relax into his body, his heart, & can share in true intimacy rather than focusing on meeting all the expectations he may have internalized.
Note: This is why I actually recommend giving a penis massage separately from lovemaking. It can be the lead-up, but it's a good idea to leave time in between the massage & lovemaking so that he can receive knowing that he doesn't have to give back right away.
2. Whole-body touch & relaxation. When giving a penis massage, I suggest massaging and focusing on the whole body, especially the entire pelvic region - not just his cock. As you pay attention to his entire body & pelvic area, his body can relax and open to more pleasure. This is actually a key in supporting men to become multi-orgasmic... They must learn to relax & feel their entire body to circulate their sexual energy, rather than concentrating solely on their genitals.
3. Worship. If you read my previous post (The Art of Cock Worship), then you know that worshipping cock includes worshipping the consciousness of the man, in addition to his physical vessel. Through penis massage, you can express your adoration & love for the man as you allow his essence to energetically open you to more love. This is a spiritually nourishing experience for both the giver & receiver (read more about it here.)
You don't have to be an expert of any kind in order to give a great penis massage.
What IS important, is that you as the giver are relaxed and in a state where your "cup runneth over."
Meaning that you should only give a penis massage when you truly want to and have the energy to be completely devoted to the experience.
In addition, the state you are in as the giver will strongly influence the experience of the receiver.
As the giver, ensure you are:
1) Relaxed
2) Breathing deeply & slowly
3) Moving & touching your lover with intention (I often visualize infusing love with my hands into his body)
4) Present to the experience of the receiver (notice their breathing & energy)
5) Feeling genuine desire to give the massage (i.e. not doing it from obligation or pressure), because he can tell if you are!
AND - enjoy yourself!
As I said before, "giving" a penis massage will nourish you, too!
Here is the simple break-down of exactly what I did the last time I gave my lover a penis massage:
1) I asked permission to give him a penis massage
2) I put on relaxing music, asked him to lay down naked on the bed, and let him choose his favourite essential oil scent which I mixed with coconut oil
3) I took some deep breaths myself, and invited him to breathe deeply into his belly throughout the massage
4) I touched him slowly & with lots of intention, feeling his energy & my own energy - responding intuitively...
5) I began by massaging his thighs with firm, confident touch - yet remained slow in my movements
6) Keeping with this firm touch, I progressed to massaging his pelvic region, around his balls & pubic bone, hip flexors, into his abdomen, chest, arms, neck, and intuitively moving to areas of the front of his body that I could feel were calling for touch.
7) I circled back to his pelvic area continuously, and when I finally progressed to massaging his cock, I did this slowly.
8) Using lots of coconut oil, I held his cock and used gentle yet firm strokes, not rushing him towards anything or trying to amplify his pleasure with lots of friction... (note that he may or may not have an erection during this, and either way is totally fine! Don't evaluate how well you are doing based on whether he has an erection or not...)
9) As I massaged him, I consciously held the intention of helping him to relax & experience pleasure as I used various strokes on his cock.
10) Again, I didn't remain overly focused on his cock, I would navigate away at times and massage other areas of his body, returning to it periodically.
11) I focused on infusing love into his entire body & cock with every breath.
12) I continued this for about one hour, and finished with stroking his legs in a downward motion to ground his energy to support him to remain relaxed afterwards.
Note: it is common to massage until the outcome of ejaculation, or not! Either way is great and has benefits. Sometimes it's beneficial to end before building to ejaculation, so that the goal-oriented focus of the massage is removed entirely.
While this is just a simple guide on offering a penis massage, and there is much more to explore…
What I hope to convey is that intention & presence is truly what matters most.
In addition, when you have cultivated and practiced touching your own body in an intentional, present manner, this skillset will translate into the profound transmission and level of presence you can bring to your partner.
My ability to feel and meet my lover deeply stems from the depth I have cultivated within myself, first & foremost.
This is why I created Viva La Vagina, the membership for women to awaken pleasure, power, & to come home to themselves. To learn more, click here.
Sending you love & pleasure,
Courtney xx
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