It is Safe to Not Know Why
โ๐๐ญโ๐ฌ ๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐จ๐ซ ๐ฆ๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐ค๐ง๐จ๐ฐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐ง๐ฌ๐ฐ๐๐ซ๐ฌ ๐จ๐ซ ๐ฌ๐จ๐ฅ๐ฎ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฐ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐โ๐ฆ ๐๐๐๐ฅ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐จ๐ซ ๐ฐ๐ก๐ฒ ๐โ๐ฆ ๐๐๐๐ฅ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ข๐ญโโ โ
Big one for me this week. โ โ
I have often assumed the role of โteacherโ in relationship.โ โ
As a long-held pattern of creating safety for myself. โ โ
Something in me learned early on that I could make life SAFER by teaching people how to be with me. โ โ
Part of the pressure of this role, is having clear self-awareness all the time. โ โ
Having the ANSWERS for another person. โ โ
So the idea of being messy and not actually knowing what Iโm feeling exactly,โ โ
Or not knowing WHY Iโm feeling it,โ โ
Feels SCARY because Iโm letting the safety of the teacher role drop away. โ โ
Iโm seeing, can this person really be in the exploration with me?โ โ
Will they still want me when I donโt have all the answers or perfect self-awareness?โ โ
Do they have capacity to be in messiness with me without getting overwhelmed, and projecting that overwhelm onto me?โ โ
๐๐ก๐ข๐ฌ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐๐ฅ๐ฌ๐จ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ฉ๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐๐๐ฆ๐ข๐ง๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ช๐ฎ๐๐ฌ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง.โ โ
โCan he accept the fluidity of how I feel & honour it, without needing an explanation or to solve it?โโ โ
And this doesnโt mean โacceptingโ the feelings but disconnecting at the same time. โ โ
Can he actually accept that feelings are TRUE for her in the moment?โ โ
And that this truth is constantly fluctuating & responding to life.โ โ
But more importantly,โ โ
๐๐๐ง ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ฉ๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ฌ ๐๐๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ??โ โ
In many ways I have done such an incredible job of trusting my inner feminine oracle,โ โ
But this week Iโve been shown ways in which I have room to grow ๐ฑโ โ
Ways in which Iโve put pressure on myself to โdecodeโ myself so that I can be more digestible for him (or others)โ โ
Decoding - no more!โ โ
Today, I donโt fucking know myself in every single way. โ โ
And thatโs fucking ok.โ โ
What a crazy relief to give my inner feminine this freedom & safety she has been longing for.