“𝐈𝐭’𝐬 𝐒𝐀𝐅𝐄 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈’𝐦 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐈’𝐦 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐭”⁠ ⁠

Big one for me this week. ⁠ ⁠

I have often assumed the role of “teacher” in relationship.⁠ ⁠

As a long-held pattern of creating safety for myself. ⁠ ⁠

Something in me learned early on that I could make life SAFER by teaching people how to be with me. ⁠ ⁠

Part of the pressure of this role, is having clear self-awareness all the time. ⁠ ⁠

Having the ANSWERS for another person. ⁠ ⁠

So the idea of being messy and not actually knowing what I’m feeling exactly,⁠ ⁠

Or not knowing WHY I’m feeling it,⁠ ⁠

Feels SCARY because I’m letting the safety of the teacher role drop away. ⁠ ⁠

I’m seeing, can this person really be in the exploration with me?⁠ ⁠

Will they still want me when I don’t have all the answers or perfect self-awareness?⁠ ⁠

Do they have capacity to be in messiness with me without getting overwhelmed, and projecting that overwhelm onto me?⁠ ⁠

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐨 𝐚 𝐝𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.⁠ ⁠

“Can he accept the fluidity of how I feel & honour it, without needing an explanation or to solve it?”⁠ ⁠

And this doesn’t mean “accepting” the feelings but disconnecting at the same time. ⁠ ⁠

Can he actually accept that feelings are TRUE for her in the moment?⁠ ⁠

And that this truth is constantly fluctuating & responding to life.⁠ ⁠

But more importantly,⁠ ⁠

𝐂𝐚𝐧 𝐈 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐌𝐘𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅??⁠ ⁠

In many ways I have done such an incredible job of trusting my inner feminine oracle,⁠ ⁠

But this week I’ve been shown ways in which I have room to grow 🌱⁠ ⁠

Ways in which I’ve put pressure on myself to “decode” myself so that I can be more digestible for him (or others)⁠ ⁠

Decoding - no more!⁠ ⁠

Today, I don’t fucking know myself in every single way. ⁠ ⁠

And that’s fucking ok.⁠ ⁠

What a crazy relief to give my inner feminine this freedom & safety she has been longing for.